Bitch School

Although I may not be a geek, I am fairly fond of technology. I have used computers since the Apple II and TRS-80 days and loved every minute of it. I also have carried cell phones from the days when a cell phone was as big as an attaché case and weighed like 25 pounds. And we marveled at the technology, how I can make a phone call from anywhere if I lugged that briefcase around.

I now have a Nokia 3360. It’s about as long as my finger. And I loathe it. I guess during the early days of cell phones, it was unusual enough that I felt like a rebel. And even if I’m in my 60s, I would still be a rebel. But now, I’m fucking embarrassed of the thing, I used to always hide the fact that I had a cell phone. Hid it in my pocket, under my shirt, left it in my car, etc. I guess it’s a freedom issue for me, since I view my phone as bondage to my work. If it was an ideal world, then I would only use my phone when I’m going out drinking with my buddies.

But now I’m at a kind of job where my cell phone is essential. At least their paying the airtime charges on my phone. The thing is, the years of partying have turned my brain into mush, so I keep leaving my phone behind. At least I’m alert enough to go back for it after a few minutes. But that embarrasses me more than the cell phone. So I’ve taken to carrying my phone around my neck on a lanyard, like a little kid with his lunch money. Ok so that’s embarrassing too.

Man. I can’t wait until the day I can ditch the fucking phone. But until that day, brain tumor, here I come!

Toni Basil Blues

There's this chick I've known for a while, about 9 months, I would guess, and we've been talking alot recently. And I'm starting to really like her. I wait everyday, longing to talk to her, and I'm genuinely happy if I DO get a chance to talk. It has become that our conversations have become the high point of my day. But since it's ME who we're talking about it, there are of course a few very large obstacles in the way. Especially there is ONE obstacle that I'm not sure if it can be overcome or not. But you know what, even if that obstacle gets in our way, it's ok with me. I just enjoy chatting with her, and if nothing more comes out of it, then I'm no worse off than I was before. And since we're friends first above anything else, and hopefully that will never change no matter what.

I am slowly learning to enjoy the moment, and not worry about the future until I have to. For now, every moment is precious, and I shall savor it.

No Rest For The Wicked

I used to hate getting my hair cut. I guess that's why I grew my hair until it reached my waist, until I cut it off last year. But I still hated getting a hair cut. Until two days ago, the day of my last haircut. I have this dreaded J-O-B now that entails me to work 12-14 hour days 6 days a week. Since I was looking a little shaggy, I went to the beauty salon...er...BARBER SHOP! BARBER SHOP! Anyways, went to get my hair cut, and for like 30 minutes, I half-closed my eyes, let my mind wander off, and got totally relaxed. Of course I would never fall asleep in the chair, since I wouldn't know what I'll wake up to. In any event, when I got out of there, I felt oddly refreshed and energized. I say oddly, since after the job, I fully intend to grow my hair again, so I don't want to get used to liking getting my haircut.

On a related note, I was at a hospital waiting room, and I fell asleep so hard that they had to scream in my ear to wake me up. When I nap, I nap HARD.

Day That Will Live In Infamy

This is my fifth Valentine's Day alone. Fifth CONSECUTIVE Valentine's Day alone. Usually, it doesn't bother me all that much more than say, Christmas. But this year, I was at the previously mentioned construction site, which faces a back of a building. And on the balcony, I saw this couple making out, for like 20 minutes, probably thinking that they got some privacy, since after all, it IS the back of a building. But the thing was, the guy took his time, good for him, but he had like no technique. Just some face pressing. If that place was accessible, I woulda smacked him upside the head, then demonstrate on his chick the proper way of kissing a girl.

But the thing that bothers me the most is that whenever I think I'm at the lowest point, fate finds a way to make it worse, like pouring salt on an open wound. I knew fate hated my guts, but apparently it REALLY hates my guts. I mean, showing a couple making out in front of me is like pouring a glass of ice water in the sand just inches away from a man dying of thirst. If I can ever meet up with this fate asshole, I'm kicking it's ass, I swear.

Hard Hat And The Scarecrow

I think I mentioned before how part of my job involves being a pseudo-foreman for a particular construction project. And I don't know if anyone has been in the construction industy, but it's HARD work. I mean, I don't do any physical labor, but even I get bone weary when I watch them work for more than 20 minutes. And it's strange, but the more I spend time out there, more I think it will impress women passing by if I whistle and make catcalls at them while grabbing my crotch.

It'll be like a compliment, you know?

Wishes And Horses

I got a new cable modem. It works great, the overpriced son of a bitch that it is. So I'm happy.

Now if I can only get that plastic surgery and score a chick, I'll be all set.

Everyone’s A…

Things overheard at last year’s E3.

-My kernel is smaller than your kernel.
-I love my Ellen, but she can be a little cranky when she’s rebooting.
-I’m a virgin, and I’m proud of it!
-0110000110010010110001101100011100
-Bill Gates is the spawn of Satan, and he should burn in hell for all eternity for what’s he’s doing to…oh good morning, Mr. Gates, I LOVE YOU!!! You da man! You da man! *bows down and kisses his feet*
-WHAT? Larna772, my wife at Sims Online, is a GUY?
-Sure I live in my parents’ basement, but I pay rent!
-Why don’t you say hello to my dates, leftie and rightie.
-Of course I don’t download porn with my 3 megabit connection. I got better things to do with…is that Jenna Jameson?
-Linux is REALLY simple to use.
-/me summons a thungarian demon, kills Billy, steals all his mana points.
-What are GIRLS doing here? They don’t belong here, d00d. They’re not 3133t.
-Oh my god, I just shook Chris Pirillo’s hand! I’m never washing my hand ever again!
-No…Yoda can kick Darth Vader’s ass, easy. But no one can beat Wesley Crusher!
-You mean I don’t have to pay for sex?
-Recompile THIS!

The Good, The Bad, And The Jun

I GETTING A CABLE MODEM!!!!!!! YAY! *Does happy joy dance* I just went and applied for it a few hours ago, and I'm getting it installed hopefully tomorrow or for sure on day after tomorrow. And everyone knows what that means. Gigabytes and gigabytes of new porn on Jun hard drives. I don't have to spend a week downloading a single video from now on. Now, it will take only minutes. Sheesh, I just realized, I probaby need to get another hard drive...either that or a really fast CD burner. Hehehehehehehe.

The bad is the upload is done through the phone line. So I still need that extra line, and I only get 33K upload speed. The download speed is 500k. Not spectacular, but it sure beats dialup anyways. And oh yeah, then there's the price. $110 a month plus $225 for the modem. *Cringe*

Model Behavior

I swear, if I see one more boy with a Harry Potter haircut and Harry Potter glasses, I’m gonna fucking throttle his mother. What the hell are they thinking, making their kids look like some sorcery nerd-boy? The boy should have better role models than some little loser from a bad Revenge of The Nerds movie. Like the kind of role models I used to have as a kid. Such as John Curtis Estes, Thomas Bryan Taliaferro, Jr., Ron Hyatt, and Gregory Hippolyte Brown. You know, real role models to help boys become MANLY!

MANLY Not Stupid

I was driving around today, work related, when I saw a sign for Valentine's Day roses on the side of the road. In a GAS STATION. For some reason, this is vaguely disturbing to me. Not that a gas station is selling roses-hey, anything to make a buck, right? The frightening thing is that there are people actually BUYING roses at a gas station. Probably the same guys who buys Christmas presents at the drug store on Christmas Eve.

Now, I am terrible with date. Birthdays, anniversaries... Hell, for the past several years, I've forgotten even my own birthday, much less anyone else's. Just realize a few days later that my birthday had passed by already. But I do remember stuff like Valentine's day and stuff, because after all, it's being pounded into my head anywhere I go. Valentine's Day IS kind of wasted on me though, since I'm too stupid AND unlucky to pull off anything fancy or complicated. I'll just end up fucking it up and looking stupid. So forgoing romance, I usually go for perhaps a bottle of perfume and/or flowers, a dinner, and a few hours of orally servicing the chick.

If I HAVE a chick, of course. See: Unlucky.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

The depression is back. With a vengence. Well, it is a good thing in a way, since when I'm depressed, I'm usually not so bleak about things anymore. Just quiet. The despair comes in because I know exactly why I am depressed, but I feel powerless to do anything about it, all with fate hating my guts and all that. She occasionally looks my way, see that I'm not suffering enough, and piles on a little more shit. Ah hell. I've been like this for years now, going in and out of depression. It's nothing new, so I should be able to deal with it.

On that note, I promise my entries from now on would be lighter and funnier. After all, I can't lose all those people dropping in from googling for gay porn now, would I?

Mission Control

My sincerest and heartfelt condolences to the family and friends of the astronauts in the Shuttle Columbia. I hope they can take comfort in the fact that they knew the inherent risks going in, and that they had died while fulfilling a mission. THEY BE MANLY!

Day After Tomorrow

Damn. I still haven't found a quick and painless way to die. And that person still doesn't realize that they did anything wrong and is blaming me for insulting them. Heh. Figures.