Thursday, August 29, 2002

Daytona Transit Service

If you live anywhere near a city, you gotta ride the bus once in a while, unless you're Bill Gates or something. Especially if you're in a big-ass city as I am. I'm constantly amazed at the balls of the bus drivers here. They got two big brass ones I swear. I mean, they drive on the narrowest lanes, cars on either side of them, having maybe 3 inches of clearance on both sides, drive through a gaggle of pedestrians, make tight U-turns, without me seeing a single accident. Sometimes I almost have a heart attack riding one of those city buses, and I'm only a passenger.

In other news, I'm suffering from a splitting headache for two days straight, and today, taking 4 tylenols doesn't help either. Maybe in another hour, I should take a couple more. Or just go home and go to bed. I think the lack of oxygen from living in a polluted city AND staying indoors in smoke filled rooms most of the time is getting to me.

Oh, and I suddenly miss my hair terribly. And I'm not talking about hair that used to come down to my waist. If I had hair that came down just past my shoulders, I would be happy. All of a sudden, my shoulders feel cold, you know? I swear, I'm letting my hair grow out again on the first opportunity that I get.

Sunday, August 25, 2002

Boner Head

Leave it up to me to pull a bone headed move. Forget that I told myself I'll never drive here ten years ago. Forget that whenever I come here and get behind the wheel, I get into trouble. Earlier today, I had to deliver something, and instead of calling a cab, I decided to drive there. Now, here is a place that has more cars than trees. More cars than rats at a New York sewer. So many cars that most roads during the day resembles a very large parking lot. So I'm driving along, make a turn, and this stupid little car is following me, honking it's horn. So I pull over and see what it is, and there comes this old man, at least 50, running over from the other car, poking his finger at me, for cutting him off, which I didn't in the first place. And this dude comes up to my chest, and is about half as wide as I am. Since I had no choice, I give him The Look(TM). You know, the kind of look that has evil menace behind my eyes. Kind of look that a couple of chicks in my life were thrilled to see. Like I'm gonna lose control and do something evil. As far as that old man was concerned, the kind of look that says I'm gonna rip his fucking finger off his hand and stick it up his ass. Crosswise. So the fucker backed off, and I drove off without needing to kick an old man's ass, which is not gonna make me feel that good afterwards, anyways.

Speaking about trouble, there's this run down bar near my place, ran by this middle aged lady. It's so ramshackle and destitute that there's bound to be something evil, immoral, illegal, or all of the above going on in that place, since I don't see how else they can make money off that place. You know the kind of place that offers chicks, then meth, so you can be UP longer, followed by some gentle blackmail involving maybe some pictures, perhaps a movie. So I'm walking home late last night, and I find that place being porked, and I observed it with great interest, being what my job is and all. And they bring out a string of the ugliest, oldest hookers I've seen in my life. I mean, 5 dollar cab ride away, there's brothels where you can rent a 19 year old, hot and sexy and tempting hooker for 50 bucks an hour, and there are these skanky ho's getting busted. Too bad I don't like prostitutes.

Oh yeah, and Joy, the lotto numbers for today are 24, 06, 56, 12, 09, and 41, with 39 and 08 supplements.

Saturday, August 24, 2002

Stripes and Stones

I guess the shit don't fall far from the bird. Here I am, in a big city, and instead of exploring, picking up chicks (which doesn't work because of my face and language barrier), or hanging out with long lost buddies, I'm spending hours at a time at cyber cafe, marveling at the internet speed. I swear, I never saw this much music videos and such in one year using my old, slow, connection than I watched here in a week. Damn, as I mentioned before, if I had this connection at home... *drools* I'll just say my credit card will have alot of bills from the more...unusual websites. Heehee.

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

The Dirty Name

I was drinking a ice cappuchino at a coffeeshop today, and I happened to notice the name. Rosebud. Well, I'm an avid watcher and reader of a certain types of material, and well I see rosebud, I think of something different other than a flower. All of a sudden, the coffee didn't taste so good anymore. In fact, it tasted like shit. That's one of the hazard of being in a place where people don't speak English, I guess. At least it's not Japan, where I literally cringe at the butchering they do to English over there, those ignorant bastards.

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

For The Birds

The thing that amazes me the most here are pigeons. For birds, with weak, hollow bones, they're incredibly fearless. Just today, I was waiting for a subway and this two pigeons walked up to me and started pecking around my feet. When I moved, they just moved aside nonchalantly and went about their business. And when I tried to shoo them away by kicking at them, they just flew away like 3 feet and snorted at me like if they were pissed off, showing me their asses. If they weren't city pigeons probably feeding off carcasses and trash, I would have caught them and made them into pies or something, just on general principles. No one, but a naked chick, shows Jun their ass!

And I went to the tourist district today, and much to my chagrin, found only 1% of the people there are actually foreigners, who can presumably speak English. And to make matters worse, I didn't see even one likely target. Most were families, or had a guy with them or a bunch of old middle age ladies. I mean, I'm kinda desperate, but not THAT desperate. Well, I think I'm gonna have a few more go's and the place, just to make sure I'm getting shafted, and if the salesmen who yell at me to come to they're store don't annoy me too much. It's either that or the brothels, and I extremely dislike prostitutes, so I rather take my chances at the tourist district, no matter how slim my chances are.

Monday, August 19, 2002

Pity The Fool

I found this in the soapbox, courtesy of Spidy, and I thought it was funny as well, so I applied to this little blog as well.

Clicky Here

And this is courtesy of Toonces.

Redneck Jun
Gangsta Jun
Limey Jun
Jun Fudd
Swedish Jun
Moron Jun (As if I'm not)
Junius Perveticus
3133t J00n

Travel Lag

So I got here fine, but the airplane trip brought alot of little annoying details about flights that I've forgotten, since I haven't flown in a while. First of, people with kids younger than two shouldn't take vacation. I mean, after the flight I was waiting in line at immigration, and there were like three babies crying their eyes out. Shrieking is more like it, as if someone is trying to murder them or something. I had to resist a very serious temptation of grabbing the kid and spiking them into the ground. Taking a red-eye fight and listening to some other asshole kids shrieking at the airport. At least they were not on my flight. If you can't control your fucking kid, you shouldn't be out in public anyways. And people with more than one carry-on or those BIG-ASS bags should be shot. Seriously.

And I noticed something I noticed before. SInce I live on a tropical island, we DO get quite a few honeymooners, and when I was leaving, they were at their full force there as well. And at the airport, you can tell who had the good honeymoons and the bad honeymoons. I mean, the ones that had some good sex, and the people who the sex sucked. The people with the good honeymoon are the ones holding hands on their way to the gate. The ones with the bad person would trail about 5 feet behind the other one. And the couple that's cuddling at the airport, they either just had sex before arriving at the airport, OR more likely, they're not married. Heh.

Oh, and I'm now at an internet cafe, and the speed is bitchin'! I'm gonna be so fucking sad when I sit in front of my measly 56K that I'm paying close to 50 bucks a month for.

Saturday, August 17, 2002

Look! UP In The Sky

In a few hours, I'll be off this god forsaken island for a month. I don't have any hopes for tail there, since of all places, I'm going to a place where 99.9% of the chicks don't speak any English at all, and I think I mentioned before that without the benefit of language, The Jun Charm(TM) doesn't work since my face gets in the way. Well, MAYBE I'll get lucky, since I'm gonna be asking The Ex to make a visit when I get there.

Only worry is that I'll be spending a month in a place where porn is illegal, and I won't have my own computer. Bah. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I'll go to a brothel alone. Oh, and like most flights, it's a non-smoking flight. Those mothefucking health nazis.

And I think Dog kinda senses that I'll be away for a while. All day long, he's been hanging around me, bring me his tennis ball, nuzzling against me, etc. I won't miss this rock, but I probably will miss that son of a bitch. At least I got a few photos online now.

MANLY Pursuits

I went shopping for pants yesterdays, pants and pants only, since I BE MANLY!, having only tried on three pairs and bought two of them, since I BE MANLY! One of the pants had these one size fits all legs-you know, the kind that you gotta shorten to adjust to you size. So I was having the alteration done in-store, and they told me to come back in 5 minutes. And I found out why men shouldn't dawdle around in stores.

So I'm dawdling around, looking at things, and I saw this display stand for body glitter. And they had my favorite colors: pink and neon green. I had to physically restrain myself from buying one. As it was, I had them in my hand, and I was saying out loud "I BE MANLY!" in the middle of the store so that I could resist the temptation. Get thee behind me, Satan!

In other unrelated news, I think I need to buy me a dress. A kilt! A kilt!

Wednesday, August 14, 2002


I've been talking about Dog ever since I started this blog, and I finally got off my ugly ass this morning to take some pics of him. Enjoy!

Wednesday, August 07, 2002


I'm so out of blog ideas right now, it's not even funny. I'm seriously resisting the urge to blog about the zit I got on my dick a few days ago, and how I was playing through the pain. Instead, I'll just say, ALMOST A WEEK WITHOUT A DRINK! Woo-hoo!

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

Winds Of Change

As I mentioned yesterday, I'll be leaving the island for a month in a week or so. Perhaps then my lucklessness with the opposite sex might change. I'm not counting on it though, since where I'm going, not many people can speak English. And because of my looks, if I can't talk, then the Jun charm thing doesn't work. At least I'll have broadband connection, so my porn browsing will be faster than ever. I'll literally be weezing them by. Hehehehe. And I'm hoping that the new experiences might lead me to make more funny observations that I can blog about. There's like 20 million people there, so I would assume that there's gonna be some stuff I can make fun of, you know?


To: Anja
From: Big Dick

What happened to your blog? I can't load it.

Monday, August 05, 2002

No Rain

With just two days of clear weather, it's been raining everyday, almost non-stop for like 3 weeks now. I mean, it's almost like I'm living in England or something, except of course without the fog, and cold temperatures, and bad, boiled food. But I'll be leaving the island for a month around next week, so I'm not complaining that much. And as far as internet is concerned, I can go to an internet cafe, pay a dollar and hour and sit behind a T3 line, so not too worried about that either. Then when I come back, I might have to get a J-O-B for a few months. Arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!

Oh, I haven't had a drink in 3 days. Yay!

Saturday, August 03, 2002

Secret Plot Deep

Earlier today I was driving home after running some quick errands, when I happen to notice this kid trying to flag down a ride on the side of the road. I recognized him as one of my brother's classmates, who happens to suffer from muscular dystrophy of some kind. I only recognized him after I had passed him, since I was...thinking of other things. Still, after a minute or two, I felt guilty, so I made a U-turn and drove back, and was kinda depressed that I found him still trying to hitch a ride. He was only going a mile or so, so that he can visit his mom at work, and no motherfuckers here would pick him up. When he got on the car, I asked him how long he was walking, and he told me about 30 minutes. And the dude has severe muscular control issues. It just pisses me off how people can be this heartless, not giving someone in obvious distress such a simple thing as a ride.

Friday, August 02, 2002

Trauma: Life In The Islands

I just returned from witnessing a mind-numbingly horrifying sight. Due to a job I had, I had to go to a clinic, during the process of which one dude rammed his middle finger in another dude's ass. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. And to top it all off, The fingerer was twisting, turning, wriggling his finger inside, putting all his weight behind his finger, as if just sticking up there wasn't violation enough for the fingeree.

Now, this is one of those times I regret giving up recreational drug use.